SIX Ways to Waste Your Schoolyear

Too often, students really make the most of their schoolyear. They end up having a great time and growing in many ways. This post is to correct that. Don't you want to be miserable for the next nine months? Don't you want to cease any progress in your life? Don't you want to waste your schoolyear? Then this post is for you! Here are six ways that even you can waste your schoolyear:

1. Get your priorities all mixed up
If you really want a great way to waste your year, try mixing up your priorities. Give number one priority to sports, relationships, pleasure, band, clubs, or other good but not incredibly important things. Make sure you really shove the important stuff, like your faith, your family, your future, and your education all the way to the bottom of your priority list. That way you can devote most of your time and energy to things that really don't matter in the big picture. I think you'll find this is a great way to not only waste your schoolyear, but your future as well.

2. Pray only on test days
If you've never tried this in the past, I think you'll really find this way to waste your schoolyear extra successful. Make sure you only pray when you have a crisis in your life or when you think you can use God as your good luck charm before a big test. When things aren't too bad or things are actually going pretty well, do not pray. Because if you really want to make this schoolyear awful, then just use God as your rabbit's foot, your genie in a bottle, or your kind, old grandfather upstairs. Sure, you'll miss out on the joy and privilege of a daily relationship with the Creator of the universe, but when you're looking to waste a schoolyear, who needs that?

3. Don't try hard, not even a bit
Way too often, I hear from students (especially seniors) that they wish they could go back and try harder in their freshman year or the beginning of the schoolyear. Their bad grades that one semester mean they can't get into the college they want or have dragged down their entire GPA. Let me tell you, those are the students that know how to waste a schoolyear. If you want to waste this schoolyear academically and mess up your future, don't try hard, not even a bit. That way you can be lazy and enjoy doing nothing over working hard for your future. And don't stop there; make it really cool to not try hard! That way you can feel better about yourself wasting your time.

4. Find your identity only in what others think of you
This is one of my favorite ways to really mess up a schoolyear and make myself miserable. It's simple: whatever others think of you, that's what you should think of yourself. And if you're an avid social media user, you're already wandering down that path. Don't worry about who you really are, who you are in God's eyes. If people don't like you the way you are, then keep changing until they like you. That way you can find your identity in what they think of you. If that certain boy or girl doesn't want to go out with you, then be miserable! Keep doing things, even if you know it's wrong, until others like you. Base the entirety of who you are on what others think of you, and I guarantee, this schoolyear will be a complete waste.

5. Value relationships over all and friendships not at all
I think this is where many students really find their expertise in wasting their schoolyear. Forget about friends. Put all your time and energy into a boyfriend or girlfriend, with whom you have a very slim chance of spending longer than six months. Value what your boyfriend or girlfiend says over what your friends say. Ditch your friends consistently to hang out with your boyfriend or girlfriend. Don't celebrate your friendships. Don't have your friends' backs. Don't value friendships. Put all your value on your romantic relationships and you can bet you'll do a good job at wasting a schoolyear.

6. Search for joy in the meaningless
Finally, if you really want to waste this schoolyear, spend all of your time searching for joy in the meaningless, temporary things in life. Sure, you could find eternal and deep joy in Christ. You could have a joy in God that persists even in the toughest of times. You could have joy that is unmatched by anything this world offers. But why would you want that when you're trying to waste a schoolyear. If you want to waste this year, keep searching for joy in meaningless things that can offer you joy for an hour or two, or maybe even a day at a time. But don't search for joy in anything that offers more than that. That would make this schoolyear a success, bleh. Waste your schoolyear by searching for joy in all the wrong places.

And there you have it. If you want to really flush this schoolyear down the drain, try those six tactics above. See just how miserable you can be.

Debt Paid vs Debtor

"O praise the One who paid my debt,

And raised this life up from the dead" (Jesus Paid It All)

"O to grace how great a debtor,

Daily I'm constrained to be" (Come, Thou Fount)

Question: Is our debt completely paid or are we forever great debtors?

Answer: Yes.

Let me explain. We must rest in the first sense: our debt is completely paid. We were debtors, but no longer since Christ paid our debt. Created by God to be perfect and sinless, we have rebelled and sinned. This puts us in debt to God in the amount of one eternal death. It is what we owe for our sin. In His grace, God put forth Christ to pay that debt for His children. One debt owed, one debt paid. Jesus paid it all.

"And you, who were dead in your trespasses and the uncircumcision of your flesh, God made alive together with him, having forgiven us all our trespasses, by canceling the record of debt that stood against us with its legal demands. This he set aside, nailing it to the cross." -Colossians 2:13-14

Let me be clear. The debt is not transferred. It is not like you owe a debt to one credit card company and you transfer the balance to another credit card company. In that circumstance, the debt is paid by another, but only transferred so that you are still in debt. Jesus does not pay a debt to the Father so our debt is now owed to Christ. The payment Christ offers in our place is final and complete. It is out of grace and it is a free gift. To live in an attempt to pay back Christ for the debt He paid for you gives birth to the dangerous "debtor's ethic."

John Piper explains the "debtor's ethic:"

"The debtor's ethic says, Because you have done something good for me, I feel indebted to do something good for you." This impulse is not what gratitude was designed to produce. God meant gratitude to be a spontaneous expression of pleasure in the gift and the good will of another. He did not mean it to be an impulse to return favors. If gratitude is twisted into a sense of debt, it gives birth to the debtor's ethic--and the effect is to nullify grace" (Future Grace, 32)

So before moving on, let us lay the foundation of our debt completely paid so we don't fall into the debilitating lifestyle of trying to pay God back.

But there is a second sense of debt found in the Christian life, and in it we find motivation to live for the glory of Christ. We are daily and significantly indebted to the grace of God. See what Paul says in his first letter to the Corinthians:

"But by the grace of God I am what I am, and his grace toward me was not in vain. On the contrary, I worked harder than any of them, though it was not I, but the grace of God that is with me." -I Corinthians 15:10

Your debt for sin is completely paid in Christ; but by God's grace, you are what you are, and to that we are forever indebted. Your debt for sin is not transferred; it is canceled. Your debt to grace can never be paid off, but should always be increased as you grow in the grace of God. See the distinction? Praise the One who paid your debt. But then be forever indebted to grace by which you grow in Christ. Debt canceled, debt inreased, praise God for both.

Selfish Humility: The Paradox of Friendship (part 6)

The foundation of Spiritual friendship as selfish humility is a freeing and joyous truth. It should be applied to the Church through teaching, discussion, literature, and leadership. It is valuable to know that deep friendship is not just for those who can put aside their own desires and become completely selfless in relation to others. That would mean that friendship is only for those without any needs and who can ignore their desires. To teach this is to leave the Church without any hope for friendship. Instead, friendship finds its power by God’s grace in that we fulfill one another’s needs and desires. We should teach that to be selfish in friendship through humility is acceptable. This takes the burden off the Christian who pursues friendship out of selfish desires.

Additionally, we should seek to apply this truth to the cultivation of friendship, especially in small group settings. Selfish humility as the grounding for friendship means that not all were meant to be deep Spiritual friends. Instead, there are desires and needs that often align to make humbly serving a friend’s needs fulfill one’s selfish desires. But it also means we should be aware of potential friendships that we can cultivate when we see those needs and desires aligned. These types of relationships have the necessary ingredients to become true and meaningful Spiritual friendships.

Scripture, philosophy, theology, and life all concur: Spiritual friendship is based on selfish humility. It is the spark, the fuel, and the flame of friendship. It should be taught and demonstrated, continually applied to the life of the Church. Without it, friendship can be depressing, destructive, burdensome, or pointless. Indeed, what is the purpose of friendship in the absence of selfish humility. Friendship and selfishness are not opposites. They are inexorably linked by the example of the Gospel of Christ. It is in this connection that friendships can become powerful tools by the grace of God and for the glory of God.

Selfish Humility: The Paradox of Friendship (part 5)

Now that we have observed selfish humility in friendship and affirmed its truth, let's figure out what it means.

Is selfishness in friendship good news or bad news?

What we see in experience and affirmed in Scripture and reinforced in philosophy, is friendship that is built upon a selfish humility. As an oxymoron, selfish humility presents some difficulty in interpretation. The clearest point made my Scripture and philosophers is that a friend becomes part of oneself. At that point, love of self is automatically love of friend. So to live for the greatest good for oneself is to look out for the greatest good of a friend. This is what we see in Stegner, as well as David and Jonathan. Most clearly we have seen it in the sacrifice of Christ on the cross. To love oneself is to live for the joy of oneself. In Christ we find that the greatest joy for oneself is to love others the greatest. Therefore, Christ selfishly found his own joy in humbly loving the Church. There is at the same time selfishness and humility.

We see this at the root of deep and true Spiritual friendship. Unlike worldly selfishness, which desires financial or social gain, Spiritual selfishness seeks the greatest joy for oneself. This is often found in promoting the joy of others. So in Spiritual friendship, one finds joy in the joy of his friend. Humility is found in pursuing the joy of others; selfishness is found in that the joy of others is your own joy.

It is possible this idea is more clearly seen in its absence. A friendship that is built upon selfishness without humility has no boundaries in its self-seeking nature. It is doomed to destruction. This is not because it is too selfish, but because it is not selfish enough. It must put on humility to seek the good of others and therein find its own good. Similarly, a friendship that is built upon humility without selfishness leaves the relationship devoid of desire and delight; it is not friendship at all. Humility without selfishness is only ascetic charity. Humility in friendship needs selfishness to pursue the good of others in love, joy, passion, and delight. Friendship not grounded in selfish humility can barely be called friendship at all.

Selfish Humility: The Paradox of Friendship (part 4)

My "best friend"

Philosophy and experience further this idea of selfish humility in friendship. As a point of simple transition, consider the dog, well known as “man’s best friend.” It has achieved this high standing by gaining the reputation of loving unconditionally, loyally, and sacrificially. Yet, the dog’s friendship is purely selfish. It is founded upon food, shelter, security, and property. It is out to guard its own. It maintains the relationship for its own gain. Yet no one calls the dog selfish. It is this sort of experience we find in friendship in philosophy throughout the ages.

We can go as far back as Aristotle in his Nicomachean Ethics. As he ponders the virtue of self-love and love of neighbor, he concludes that the man who loves himself will be most virtuous and most loving towards his neighbor (Book IX, Chapter 8). He then resolves the tension that becomes apparent in that statement by saying that a friend is really a second self. Like David and Jonathan or Christ and the Church, the souls of the friends become one in a mysterious way. But in this way, the man who loves himself can most fully love his friends.

A few centuries later, Cicero authored his work on friendship, De Amicitia, which would further this idea of friendship grounded in selfish humility. Cicero was a Roman Platonist, therefore differing in his approach from Aristotle. Cicero was concerned mostly with financial or political gain and office when discussing the “need” for friendship. It is difficult to escape his utilitarian nature. However, he does offer this statement on the matter “those who falsely assume expediency to be the basis of friendship, take from friendship's chain its loveliest link. For it is not so much the material gain procured through a friend, as it is his love, and his love alone, that gives us delight” (De Amicitia, 14). Cicero admits that it should not be for financial gain that we pursue friendship, it is for our own delight in another’s love. Therefore, Cicero would agree that we selfishly seek friendship in ways this world would not normally deem selfish.

Aelred of Rievaulx was a twelfth-century abbot whose views on friendship come largely from Cicero. He explains that true friendship stems from a selfish love by quoting and interpreting Psalm 10: “‘For he that loves iniquity’ does not love, but ‘hates his own soul.’ Truly, he who does not love his own soul will not be able to love the soul of another” (58). This cunning perspective is echoed in the third book of Spiritual Friendship. Aelred comments on the second greatest commandment: “Behold the mirror. You love yourself. Yes, especially if you love God, if you are such a person as we have described as worthy of being chosen for friendship… For then truly he whom you love will be another self, if you have transformed your love of self to him” (107-8). Aelred is explaining how friendship can be built on a selfish love, but continually warns of friendship born out of worldly selfishness and not humility. We can conclude that Aelred would encourage this idea of selfish humility in friendship. Marsha Dutton, commenting on Aelred’s third book in Spiritual Friendship, summarizes, “One desires a friend in order to satisfy one’s own longing. Love of oneself makes one love one’s friend; friendship is ultimately the love of self. But God, who placed his own unity in the first humans as a desire for friendship, ensures that the expression of love for the self results in love for the friend as well” (46).

The twentieth-century Anglican apologist, C. S. Lewis, continues these thoughts in his chapter on Friendship in The Four Loves. He begins his discussion on friendship by explaining that it is the least biological and the least necessary of the loves. Yet he goes on to explain that we as humans have a desire for it. Indeed, the desire for needs is not counted as selfish as the desire for non-needs. Lewis explains that it is a selfish desire to be known, to be elite, to be accepted that fuels friendship. But it is also humility that strengthens friendship. He also seems to point to a selfish humility present in friendship.

Selfish Humility: The Paradox of Friendship (part 3)

Was Jesus' death on the cross the most selfless act ever? Or the most selfish?

Christ is the pinnacle of selfish humility toward his friends. Consider a few verses to this end. First, Jesus himself states, “Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends” (John 15:13). So we admit that Christ love for his friends is greater than any other love. It is so great that he laid his life down. Second, Hebrews 12:2 explains further why Jesus did this: “Looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.” Jesus laid down his life for his friends out of love “for the joy” before him. The most humble act of all time was in fact a selfish act for Christ’s own joy.

This is further reinforced by Paul’s words in Ephesians:

“Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body” (Ephesians 5:25-30).

What Paul is saying is that Jesus’ friends, those for whom he laid down his life, are cleansed by His blood, they become part of the church, which Jesus will purify and present to himself as his own body. Therefore, similar to a husband loving his wife because he loves himself, Christ loves the church because the church is his body. So in the end, Christ’s death for his friends was out of love for himself.

This attitude is passed on to Christ’s disciples in the second greatest commandment. Jesus says, “You shall love your neighbor as yourself” (Matthew 22:39). Jesus begins with an assumed love for oneself. There is innate in each creature a love for oneself that causes a desire for sustenance, companionship, and shelter. Certainly it is abused in our fallen world, but we find it clearly before the Fall as well. God put trees “pleasant to the sight and good for food” (Genesis 2:9) in the Garden of Eden with Adam. He admits that “It is not good that the man should be alone” (2:18), and so he creates Eve. It is an abuse of the love of self that Satan uses to tempt Adam and Eve, which causes pride to continually be the root of sin in this world. Nevertheless, the love of self was created in man from the very beginning and it is what Jesus uses as the basis for loving your neighbor. We are to love our neighbor with the same fervency, creativity, and endurance as we love ourselves. It is in friendship that this love is most accessible.

To prove this, let us consider one of the greatest Biblical examples of friendship, that of David and Jonathan. I Samuel states, “As soon as he had finished speaking to Saul, the soul of Jonathan was knit to the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul” (18:1). As we see with David and Jonathan, their souls were so closely knit in friendship that each loved the other as he loved himself. This fulfills the second greatest commandment and gives us a clear picture of selfish humility in Spiritual friendship.

Selfish Humility: The Paradox of Friendship (part 2)

“Is that the basis of friendship? Is it as reactive as that? Do we respond only to people who seem to find us interesting?... Do we all buzz or ring or light up when people press our vanity buttons, and only then? Can I think of anyone in my whole life whom I have liked without his first showing signs of liking me?” (Wallace Stegner, Crossing to Safety, 20).

Friendship does not begin without an interest in the self. Even a deep and true friendship begins with one person tickling the other's selfish bone.

Take a minute and honestly answer this question: Why do you have friends? Not, why do you love your friends or why are they a good person; but why have you chosen to make that specific person a very good friend?

Did you answer using any of these words: I, me, myself, mine? Try as you may, it is hard to avoid answering that question without expressing some way your friend fulfills your desire, your need. You are friends with them because you find enjoyment, acceptance, love, or someone who listens, helps, corrects, likes you.

Let's find some examples of this in everyday life.

Philosophers and theologians like Lewis, Aelred, and Cicero would claim that friendship begins with a common interest. I agree. But I would say the common interest of two people beginning friendship is one person in the other and vice versa. Camaraderie, companionship, colleagues, and coworkers share an interest in something else which sparks their relationship. Friends share an interest in each other. "There is no glue in [friendship] but mutual liking” (Stegner, 96).

It is selfishness that propels a friendship deeper. After meeting someone with whom you would like to be friends, you want to spend time with them again. This desire is for one's own enjoyment. You want to enjoy time with them, delight in it, know more about them, and interact with them for your own pleasure. What takes two people from acquaintances to friends is not selfless interaction, but selfish invitation. It is interesting to note that most who would say friendship and selfishness are opposites would not mind a friend’s desire to be with his friend.

The opening quote of the first post in this series comes from a scene in a great book about friendship by Wallace Stegner that most reveals the selfish humility of friendship. When the Morgans receive bad news and need some space to get their life back together, the Langs offer them a place to vacation in their Vermont house and are ecstatic when they accept. It is then that Charity Lang states, “As for repaying… friends don’t have to repay anything. Friendship is the most selfish thing there is. Here we are just licking our chops. We got everything out of you that we wanted” (140). Charity admits that they offered their house out of selfishness and the Morgans should accept the offer out of selfishness. That is the freedom found in friendship based on selfish humility.

Indeed, there is a mysterious intermingling of lives that happens in friendship, which provides a clear way to see the connection between self-love and friend-love. When lives become shared and souls become intertwined in this deep friendship, love of self does not oppose love of friends. In fact, the two loves don’t simply play off one another. They become the same love. Love of self becomes love of friends. More on this later.

Before we take selfishness too far, we must remember that it is not simply selfishness that propels friendship, but a selfish humility. There is a sense in which every friend is humbled to be a friend and exalts his friends in that time. Lewis describes it this way, “In a perfect Friendship this Appreciative love is, I think, often so great and so firmly based that each member of the circle feels, in his secret heart, humbled before all the rest. Sometimes he wonders what he is doing there among his betters. He is lucky beyond desert to be in such company” (The Four Loves, 104). But even in this humility, there is a selfishness. As Lewis continues to explain, “Life--natural life--has no better gift to give” (105). This is where we begin to see the true nature of a friendship grounded in selfish humility. It is a humility that selfishly delights in the exaltation and joy of a friend. Our ultimate example of this is found in Christ.

Selfish Humility: The Paradox of Friendship (part 1)

“Friendship is the most selfish thing there is.”

(Wallace Stegner, Crossing to Safety, 140)

Are friendship and selfishness opposites? 

Most would answer yes to this question, like the philosopher Cicero, “There is nothing more fatal to friendship than… the greed of gain” (De Amicitia, 10). However, I would disagree. I would say friendship is built on selfishness. Scripture and Christian theology seem to agree. Contrary to common opinion, friendship and selfishness are not opposites, but instead are linked through the Gospel.

This question is not only ponderable, but also significant. Many Christians treat friendship in an ascetic fashion, stripping it of its joy, pleasure, and efficacy. They fail to see the link between friendship and a selfish humility found in the Gospel. I use selfish humility because it is not earthly and material selfishness that is linked to friendship, but a humility that selfishly finds its own joy in the joy of friendship. To prove this means to free Christians from the burden of ascetic friendship and to take back the power of friendship for the glory of Christ.

This is part one of a six-part series discussing the selfishness found in friendship. The next five short posts will prove how friendship is built on selfish humility, observe this principle in Scripture, affirm it with philosophy and theology, interpret it, and finally apply it. Be sure to stay tuned and comment with your thoughts.

You Are What You Type

"You are what you eat." Weird, because I don't remember eating a nerd.

"You are what you say you are." I don't think that works quite as well. It's called nominalism, and it never works. It's like believing that if you call yourself a professional basketball player, you can play one on one against LeBron James and even score a point. In Christianity, nominalism shows up in people that call themselves "Christian," but don't know Christ at all. Pastors have been concerned about nominal Christianity for thousands of years. But I now see it appearing in a whole new way.

"You are what you type." Now that's something our culture could latch onto. In our new world of social media and electronic identity, we are increasingly identifying ourselves by who we say we are instead of who we are and what we do. Who can blame us? It is so easy. A quick sentence on a Twitter bio or a cross emoji on Instagram, and boom! you're a Christian. It's a dangerous game to get into.

We take it further and create our entire identity in what we type and what pictures we post. Do you want to be pretty? Get the right angle, fancy it up with filters, post it, revel in the likes and favorites, and then you "are" pretty. Want to be cool? Tweet the right thing, and then you "are" cool. Want to be good? Put the right words in your Instagram bio, then you "are" good. Do you see how this works?

We have disconnected who we are from who others think we are and placed our identity in the latter. This is dangerous for a couple reasons. First, it means our identity is no longer something we simply are, but something we must maintain. Exhausting! Second, it means we are constantly trying to deceive others and even ourselves into thinking we actually are what we type. That is not you!

Listen closely: You are not what you type. You do not have to maintain your identity. You do not have to deceive the world or yourself about who you really are. To do that is to claim that the way God made you and God's grace is not good enough for you. You are more than your follower ratio. You are more than your most liked photo. You are more than your most retweeted words. If you are in Christ, you are a child of God, forgiven, loved, equipped, and an ambassador for Jesus.

Justice!

Deep sea fishing on vacation

A couple months ago, my wife and I enjoyed a wonderful vacation to North Carolina. We love vacation, and so we spent several months saving up money for food and spending. Near the beginning of the week, we had $300 stolen from us. Obviously, it upset us a lot. I got very angry since there was nothing we could do about it. And so we sit and fumed, wishing for justice in ways I'm now ashamed of. "I hope he uses it to buy alcohol and then hits a tree while drunk driving." "I hope he spends it on boat trip and his boat sinks!" We wanted justice.

There's a popular game my students are very into called Gaga Ball. It has nothing to do with Lady Gaga, thankfully. It's just a tiny, walled-in version of dodgeball. After playing it a few times, I retired from the game forever. Why? Because I can't stand the amount of cheating that goes on. In such a quick, small, self-judged game, many students are prone to cheating and carrying on with such blatant disregard for the rules of the game. It becomes way too frustrating for me to endure and anger quickly builds inside of me. I want justice.

Am I alone in this strong desire for justice? I don't think so. But am I right? I don't think so. There are two problems with this, which become two truths we can remember to escape this slavery to a desire for justice.

First, a deep desire for justice is shackling because it wants justice for everyone else's evil and not my own. I haven't stolen $300 from tourists and I try my best to not cheat at Gaga Ball, but I am just as guilty of evil in this world. If I am guilty, I deserve justice. But when I get angry at the wrongdoing of others, I cry out for justice on them and not myself. This is a desire for selective justice, and not a true desire for justice. This can cripple our joy as it increases our pride. If we want justice, then let us desire true, universal justice. But we don't. We want grace for ourselves and justice for others.

Second, we can only be freed from this desire for justice through the work of Christ as Savior and Christ as Judge. When we are frustrated by the wrongdoer in our life and calling out for justice for everyone but ourselves, we must remember that all evil is judged in one of two places: at the cross or at the end. While we struggle in our desire for true and universal justice, we can take heart that God is just. This means that every sin, every sinner, is judged in God's wrath poured out on the cross if they are in Christ, or at the end in the final judgement. Never will evil go unjudged.

So what does this mean for us? First, it means we do not have to live under the crippling anger and frustration and feeling of being trampled by this world. Every evil will be judged, but it is not our place to be the judge, jury, or executioner. Be relieved of this role. Listen to Hebrews take the weight of that responsibility and anxiety off your back.

"For we know him who said, 'Vengeance is mine; I will repay.' And again, 'The Lord will judge his people.' It is a fearful thing to fall into the hands of the living God." -Hebrews 10:30-31

Second, it means we can finally love our enemies with a real and gracious love. Like the famous quote, "Resentment is like swallowing poison and waiting for the other person to die," we don't have to hold on to anger and bitterness because justice is not immediately handed down on the wrongdoer. Instead, we can be freed of that and love those who persecute you.

"Fret not yourself because of evildoers, and be not envious of the wicked, for the evil man has no future; the lamp of the wicked will be put out." -Proverbs 24:19-20

Is the Fault in Our Stars?

This post intentionally comes a little bit after The Fault in Our Stars hype. Now that we have some time to digest the book and movie without the emotional craze it caused, there are a couple points I'd like to make on it.

The first thing I must say is that while they stayed mostly true to the book when making the movie, I was disappointed by the change in the ending. The book's plot resolves with the ending to An Imperial Affliction. The movie's plot resolves with a eulogy for Hazel by her dead boyfriend, Gus.

This change in resolution means a change in the plot and main conflict. The book's main conflict is the search for meaning and significance even after death. This makes for a great plot.

On the other hand, the movie's resolution means the main conflict is the love story thwarted by death. This cheapens the plot in my opinion and is indicative of what sells in the movie theater.

The second thing I must say relates to the attractive title. John Green borrowed this phrase from Shakespeare's play Julius Caesar, in which Cassius says to Brutus, "The fault, dear Brutus, is not in our stars / But in ourselves, that we are underlings." If Green's book represents our culture, then our culture says, "Fate has caused our problems, not us." Shakespeare's line on the other hand claims that problems in our lives are not due to crossed fates, but are because we are fallen beings.

So which is the truth? If we experience problems in our lives, is the fault in our stars? Is our fate to blame? Is the Sovereign at fault? Or are we the problem? If this world is not a "wish-granting factory," are humans to blame?

"We are all infected and impure with sin. When we display our righteous deeds, they are nothing but filthy rags." Isaiah 64:6 (NLT)

So according to Scripture, if this world is broken and nothing goes our way, we are to blame. Collectively and individually, humans are impure and fallen. We must be careful not to blame our problems on the stars, fate, God. This world is broken because humans are underlings, sinners, fallen. But this is encouraging, because fate cannot be redeemed. Humans can be redeemed. So we know that this broken world is only temporary.

Eulogy for the Living

Eulogy literally means a "good word." So often, we wait to speak that "good word" about a person after they have died. I'm going to intentionally break that pattern in order to honor the living.

There is no greater complement than to call someone Christlike. My dad is Christlike.

"Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men." (Philippians 2:3-7, ESV)

"By this we know love, that he laid down his life for us, and we ought to lay down our lives for the brothers." (I John 3:16, ESV)

Growing up as an intellectual, I will admit that I wasn't convinced my dad was a "good Christian" because he couldn't argue deep theology or teach a Sunday School class. How wrong I was. I have come to realize that my dad demonstrates obedience to Christ as well as any of the saints of Church history. Just like Christ, my father has "emptied himself." He has counted others more significant than himself. At the heart of who Christ is, he is the condescending Savior. This humility and service, this forsaking the self for the sake of others, is how my dad is Christlike.

I could go into plenty of detail of how hard my father works, but I for the sake of space, I will simply use the adjective "very." However, it is not hard work for work sake, but it is hard work for his family's sake. I could also try to go into detail on how much my father does for himself, but nothing comes to mind. He strives for the joy of others well before himself.

Just like Paul tells the Corinthians, "Follow me as I follow Christ," I can proudly say that I strive to follow the example of my dad as he has followed the example set by Christ. My dad and Jesus have taught me that fame and fortune aren't worth a space in my life goals. They have taught me that it doesn't matter how much you know about Christ, but it's how much you are like Christ.  They have taught me that seeking my own joy is inferior to seeking the joy of others. They have taught me being a legend in this life is not about lifting our own lives up, but laying our lives down for others.

Happy Father's Day, dad.

A Philippians 4:13 Christian

In the last couple years, I have seen a new classification of Christians. It is someone I call a "Philippians 4:13 Christian." We all know that famous verse: "I can do all things through Him who gives me strength" (NIV). I'm seeing it on an increasing number of Twitter bios and Instragram posts. It can be found on t-shirts, cell phone cases, mugs, keychains, and it's even made it's way on to Tim Tebow's eye black.

For a clear example of how this verse is yanked out of its context and misused to promote a propserity Gospel, see Joel Osteen's Today's Word from January 21st, 2013: "Most people tend to magnify their limitations. They focus on their shortcomings. But scripture makes it plain: all things are possible to those who believe. That’s right! It is possible to see your dreams fulfilled. It is possible to overcome that obstacle. It is possible to climb to new heights. It is possible to embrace your destiny. You may not know how it will all take place. You may not have a plan, but all you have to know is that if God said you can...you can!"

My wife and I enjoyed one of her favorite activities yesterday, snake hunting. She has yet to catch a snake this week and so I was determined to find her a snake and make her day. According to the logic above, all I needed to do was keep quoting Philippians 4:13 to myself and boom! I'll find a snake! Either that's not what this verse means or God is a liar in telling me I can do things when I can't.

Owner of the new clothing line based on this verse, "True Strength," Aaron Simpkins affirms that's not how this verse works: "I hope people don't just take it as, 'Let me throw up a prayer real quick then I'll get this 1200lb squat.'" If this is not how this verse works, then what does it mean?

Let's take a look at its context, the verses leading up to it. In Philippians 4:11-12, Paul says, "Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need." Paul is trying to share the secret of being content in any circumstance, whether in abundance or need.

When he gets to 4:13, he explains the secret in this more literal translation from the Greek, "In all circumstances I am strong in Him who strengthens me." His point is that whatever circumstance he finds himself in, he has strength and contentment in Christ.

Compare this to the Stoic philosophy of his day, which said, "Man should be sufficient unto himself for all things and able by the power of his will to resist the force of circumstances." We need to be careful to not use this verse to promote a Stoic philosophy of sufficiency in ourselves. The point of this passage is self-insufficiency.

Compare this the materialist philosophy of our day, which says, "Never be content; always want more. If you see something you want, you are strong enough to go get it." We need to be careful to not use this verse to promote materialism and discontentment. The point of this passage is that Christ does not fuel your discontentment, but rather fills it.

This passage is a declaration of dependence on Christ. It is an admission that anything I do, I do in the strength of Christ. I can be content in any situation because I am content in Christ. Therefore, it is also a confirmation that everything I do is done for the glory of Christ, not my own. Paul is reiterating this message also found in the following verses:

• "So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God." I Corinthians 10:31

• "But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong." II Corinthians 12:9-10

• "Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might." Ephesians 6:10

• "May you be strengthened with all power, according to his glorious might, for all endurance and patience with joy." Colossians 1:11

• "And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him...Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ." Colossians 3:17, 23-24

• "I thank him who has given me strength, Christ Jesus our Lord, because he judged me faithful, appointing me to his service." I Timothy 1:12

The truths of this passage are close to those found in the first chapter of Philippians: "It is my eager expectation and hope that I will not be at all ashamed, but that with full courage now as always Christ will be honored in my body, whether by life or by death. For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain." If Philippians 4:13 ranks among your favorite verses, that is just fine. In fact, that's great! But make sure you are using it to declare Christ as your all in all and your life as a sequence of moments for His glory.

Two Years, Five Lessons

Well, it's been over two years since my last post. With a busy schedule, I decided when marriage began, I needed to trim other responsibilities to make time for marriage, blogging being one of them. Vacation has given me some extra time to get back on the blogging train.

Heather and I celebrated our second anniversary yesterday. We agree that marriage has been wonderful and sanctifying. Besides Christ, Heather is the clearest picture of grace for me. So after two years of marriage, we've decided to share what little wisdom we have gathered. I understand this list is amateur and could be completely opposite given twenty more years of marriage. But hopefully these reflections can benefit those single and looking for marriage, dating and considering marriage, or engaged and waiting to be married. So here are five things I've learned from two years of marriage. 

1. Love is best unconditional.

I do not love Heather for any reason. This may be shocking for you, but if you ask me why I love my wife, my best reply is this: "I love her because I love her." Certainly I could say it's because of her inspiring humility or constant servant attitude; or maybe because of her stunningly good looks and her gorgeous eyes; I could even say because of her support and love towards me. But I do not love her for any of these reason. I like her for these reasons. But I do not love her for any reason. That would be conditional love.

Conditional love means in order for a spouse to maintain the love they receive, they must keep up the conditions for that love. This adds pressure, tension, and fear to a relationship. Instead, we strive for unconditional love towards each other that God the Father models to us. In this way, we know, no matter what, we love each other. Through changes, through honesty, through moves, moods, arguments, and Saturday mornings in our pajamas, there is always love.

2. It's never personal.

Plain and simple, every argument, each angry moment, each mistake and misunderstanding, it's never personal. If Heather doesn't want me to go somewhere or if I forget to do the dishes, we have no intention of ever personally attacking each other. Remembering this makes every argument (there will be arguments) shorter and have less potential for explosion and pain. 

3. You'll get out what you put in.

My wife and I are dog people. We enjoy training our dogs and talking about how other people train their dogs (or not). When I was a professional dog trainer, the people that annoyed me the most were those that put zero time and effort into training their dogs and came in looking for the solution in a magic cue or an hour with a trainer. Sorry, that's not how it works. In dog training, you'll get out what you put in.

Same thing with marriage. It would be foolish to not spend any time with my wife or put any effort into our relationship for a month and then wonder why our relationship is failing. If you have a bad relationship, it's quite possible you haven't been putting much into it.

4. Humans are boring and lazy.

Why is going to the movies such a popular date? Because humans are not interesting enough to go on too many dates without external entertainment. No matter how interesting you think your boyfriend/girlfriend, fiance, or spouse is, they are boring. If you're waiting for marriage and dream of every waking moment simply staring into your spouse's eyes, you're a glutton for boredom. The fun of a relationship will wear off because humans are boring.

Humans are also naturally lazy. This is our default state. You may think that your future spouse is anything but lazy since he works out constantly or she studies all the time. But what happens when you ask him to do something from which he gets no physical benefit or you ask her to do something that does not help her achieve her goals? Laziness.

This is not a knock on Heather or me. This is simply the fact of the matter. So do yourself a favor, and don't expect anything different. Humans are boring; humans are lazy.

But it doesn't have to be that way because...

5. Marriage is not about you or your spouse.

It's about Christ. Relationships fail when people enter them looking to get something for themselves. They'll last for a while, but there's not enough to give. Being boring is a condition of our insufficiency and being lazy is a condition of our selfishness. Jesus is the only real cure for both. So marriage isn't about just loving someone and being loved; it's about loving Christ because He first loved us. Only then will we have hope to live for something greater than ourselves and greater than each other. Only then will we see the benefit of not being lazy in sanctifying ourselves to be more like Christ.

Marriage is all about the glory of Christ. The more I've realized that in my two years of marriage, the more joy and enjoyment I find in marriage.

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I pray this list was of benefit to you. I'd love to hear how you would change it or add to it in the comments.