The foundation of Spiritual friendship as selfish humility is a freeing and joyous truth. It should be applied to the Church through teaching, discussion, literature, and leadership. It is valuable to know that deep friendship is not just for those who can put aside their own desires and become completely selfless in relation to others. That would mean that friendship is only for those without any needs and who can ignore their desires. To teach this is to leave the Church without any hope for friendship. Instead, friendship finds its power by God’s grace in that we fulfill one another’s needs and desires. We should teach that to be selfish in friendship through humility is acceptable. This takes the burden off the Christian who pursues friendship out of selfish desires.
Additionally, we should seek to apply this truth to the cultivation of friendship, especially in small group settings. Selfish humility as the grounding for friendship means that not all were meant to be deep Spiritual friends. Instead, there are desires and needs that often align to make humbly serving a friend’s needs fulfill one’s selfish desires. But it also means we should be aware of potential friendships that we can cultivate when we see those needs and desires aligned. These types of relationships have the necessary ingredients to become true and meaningful Spiritual friendships.
Scripture, philosophy, theology, and life all concur: Spiritual friendship is based on selfish humility. It is the spark, the fuel, and the flame of friendship. It should be taught and demonstrated, continually applied to the life of the Church. Without it, friendship can be depressing, destructive, burdensome, or pointless. Indeed, what is the purpose of friendship in the absence of selfish humility. Friendship and selfishness are not opposites. They are inexorably linked by the example of the Gospel of Christ. It is in this connection that friendships can become powerful tools by the grace of God and for the glory of God.
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